My Secure Self
A self-study digital course teaching you actionable steps to stop self-sabotaging relationships and learn healthier, secure ways of experiencing love.
Created by Jessica Da Silva
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Attachment Coach
do you struggle with dating and relationships?
- Maybe you want love but are terrified of it leaving you…
- Maybe you want love but are afraid of it consuming you...
- Maybe you want love but push it away when you have it…
If you identify with one or more of these, I’m here to share why this may be happening to you and how to gain control over your love life.
My name is Jessica Da Silva and I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Attachment Coach helping adults end their unhealthy dating patterns and create strong, secure relationships using the attachment theory framework.
After personally experiencing numerous unhealthy relationships, I was determined to heal the insecurities driving my unhealthy dating patterns. I've always deeply desired a stable and loving relationship but didn't have the best examples of how to create and, most importantly, maintain one. I knew that to evolve from my prior ways of experiencing love, I would have to make myself and my healing a priority.
Let's just say it's WAY less painful to point the finger at others than to acknowledge that we are the common denominator in every relationship…
After ending my last (and final) unhealthy relationship years ago, I decided to continue my education in psychology by enrolling in a Master's Program for Marriage and Family Therapy and immersing myself in the world of self-development.
I worked with children, families, individuals, and couples to find healthier ways of relating to themselves and those around them.
These transformative years helped me realize:
We can train our brains to work for us rather than against us...
Our past does not have to define our future…
We can 100% learn to become more securely attached by implementing small shifts into our daily life.
Since then, I have used this knowledge to find and maintain a loving and secure relationship with myself (first and foremost) and my amazing partner. And I have branched out into attachment coaching, helping hundreds of people transform the way they experience love through practical, evidence-based strategies that I'll be teaching you in this course.
NO MORE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS. LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
My approach to teaching is solution focused.
So what’s all the hype with attachment theory and why is it so important?
Attachment Theory is a highly recognized evolutionary and psychological approach based on the scientific fact that all humans are wired for attachment.
What this means is that we all have a biological need for love and belonging….
And according to extensive research, we experience love and attachment in one (or a variation) of these four styles: Anxious Preoccupied, Dismissive Avoidant, Fearful Avoidant and Secure Attachment Style.
These attachment styles are developed in our earlier relationships, with people we depended on or had an emotional connection with (i.e. with parents, caregivers, partners, friends, family, etc) and it follows us through adulthood...Which is why we find ourselves in cyclical and familiar relationship dynamics, time and time again.
Attachment theory gives us insight into:
- Why we choose certain partners.
- Why we repeat specific relationship patterns.
- Why we think, feel and behave the way we do when it comes to love.
- Our relationship triggers and needs.
- A framework to becoming more secure.
Attachment Style breakdown…
Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style
If love or emotional intimacy felt fleeting or conditional in your earlier relationships, then you are most likely hypervigilant in your relationships to anything that may indicate abandonment. Things like rejection, disconnection, distance and inconsistencies will cause you to overthink, excessively worry, be overly dependent, feel “not good enough” and over compensate to keep the relationship at float.
Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style
If love or emotional intimacy felt absent or neglectful in your earlier relationships, then you most likely steer clear of deeper commitments or emotional intimacy. It feels much safer and practical to be alone rather than to exhibit the vulnerability required in a more committed relationship. These fears cause you to be more withdrawn, emotionally closed off and rigid when it comes to matters of the heart.
Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
If love or emotional intimacy felt chaotic or unstable in your earlier relationships, then you are most likely weary and distrusting of love. On one hand you desire it, and on the other, you’re skeptical of it. This ambivalence causes you to be very indecisive and protective when it comes to matters of the heart.
Secure Attachment Style
If love or emotional intimacy felt safe and predictable in your earlier relationships, then you mostly likely have a positive outlook on love. Love feels trusting and dependable. You know how to meet your needs and can be empathetic to the needs of others. Not only do you feel confident in your ability to give love, but you’re just as secure in your ability to receive it.
So how does one become more securely attached?
The great news is that anyone can develop a secure attachment style! In psychology, we call this earned secure attachment.
By understanding your attachment patterns and implementing healthier ways of relating to yourself and others, you can literally rewire your brain to experience love in more secure ways.
Do you want my proven framework, packed with insights and tools, to begin shifting your patterns now!?
My Secure SelfE-Course
A self-study digital course teaching actionable steps to stop self-sabotaging relationships and learn healthier, secure ways of experiencing love.
I break down complex scientific concepts into eight practical modules that you can easily implement into your daily life to create transformative shifts!ENROLL NOW
"I kept having a terrible time with relationships, and I was really kind of embarrassed about it.. I couldn't figure this out on my own, so I signed up for Jessica's program and honestly it was one of the best thing I've ever done! "
a course for each attachment style
MY SECURE SELF:
ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE
MY SECURE SELF:
FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
MY SECURE SELF:
DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE
MY SECURE SELF:
HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR PARTNER
Each course includes:
- 8 modules with comprehensive videos giving you tons of insight on how you personally experience love and guiding you through practical strategies to help you become more secure within yourself and your relationships.
- Step-by-step PDF worksheets and checklists to enhance and support your learning process.
- Guided meditation and visualization exercises to re-program the subconscious mind.
- Lifetime access to the e-course.
You’ll be given access to one module per week so that you have ample time to dive into the lessons and execute that portion of the process before moving onto the next.
We do this to protect your time, attention and focus while sparing you from the intense overwhelm that comes from learning new concepts in a short amount of time.
What’s inside each course:
UNDERSTANDING THE INS AND OUTS OF YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE
In order to make the changes we want to see within ourselves and our relationships, it’s crucial to first understand how we experience love and why we do the things we do.
Attachment Theory gives us a framework and a language to understand our thoughts, feelings and behaviors when it comes to matters of the heart.
In this module, you will gain insight into your patterns, insecurities, triggers and unique relationship needs.
BECOMING YOUR SECURE SELF
In this module, you will learn what a secure attachment looks like and scientific proof stating that you can also shift from an insecure to a secure attachment style!
This section will help you get crystal clear on the secure version of yourself you will begin embodying.
In order to support you in this process, you will have access to:
- An in-depth Secure Self Development Worksheet and Guide
- A 5 Minute Secure Self Daily Journaling Practice
- A Guided Secure Self Visualization Meditation
These tools are designed to be simple to implement, yet instrumental for your growth.
DISCOVERING AND COMMUNICATING YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS
In this module, you will understand the human language of feelings and needs. When we understand the nature of our emotions, we can better soothe ourselves and share them with others.
Instead of feeling anxious about your emotions, you will be able to identify the need behind this discomfort and effectively communicate it.
Not only do you gain more confidence through this process, but you also teach others how to treat you.
No more wondering what your emotions mean or feeling shameful about them. With this knowledge, you will have clarity on how to navigate these normal internal experiences.
ESTABLISHING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
In this module you will learn how to create healthy interdependence versus co-dependence or hyper-independence, as well as how to set healthy boundaries to prevent resentment, burnout, and dissatisfaction in your relationships.
In this module you will learn:
- The three different types of boundaries.
- How to set healthy boundaries within different areas of your life.
- How to honor and communicate your boundaries.
These learnings will help you experience more certainty, peace and stability within yourself and your relationships.
REFRAMING YOUR INSECURE THOUGHTS INTO SECURE BELIEF SYSTEMS
In this module, you will go from becoming aware of your sabotaging thinking patterns to doing something about them.
So often, I have people say they've gone to therapy and know their challenges but don't know how to change.
In this section, you will get my 4-Step Secure Reframe Process to help you shift your insecure thinking patterns into secure belief systems.
These steps are comprised of some of my favorite evidence-based approaches: Mindfulness, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic Therapy, and Solution Focused Therapy. These steps are simple to implement yet profoundly effective. It's a tool you will use with any challenging thought that comes your way.
HEALING ATTACHMENT TRAUMA
Self-Reparenting is the process of giving ourselves the love and support we didn’t get from our attachment figures and healing those relational experiences.
In this process, you will learn to:
- Love and care for yourself.
- Create more positive self-talk.
- Learn to accept yourself.
- Regulate your emotions by soothing your nervous system when triggered.
- Increase your self-esteem.
- Re-work bad habits.
- Become more independent and self-reliant.
- Learn healthy conflict communication.
- Learn to better navigate your relationship anxiety.
REFRAME YOUR SHAME
In this module, you will learn how to form a new relationship with some of the unlikeable parts of your attachment style through Shadow Work.
It's only through acknowledging and accepting all parts of ourselves, that we are able to live more authentically and freely.
By learning to navigate this "gray space", we experience more harmony within ourselves and our relationships.
SELF-KINDNESS AND FORGIVENESS
Becoming securely attached requires a change in patterns, but in that process, it takes patience and A LOT of self-compassion.
In this module, you will learn mindful self-compassion techniques to support you through these transitions with more grace and ease.
These building blocks will be the cherry on top!—Tools that will serve as your secure base forever.
What students are saying...
I can see how triggers affect me now, how they would have affected me in the past, and how i want them to affect me in the future. This course is the forward-moving push I need to keep making progress!
It's been super helpful and i would do it again in a heartbeat...I liked that the course began with the concept that, "we can change and that this doesn't need to stay like this." i realized I have a lot of contributing trauma that i didn't even know was a thing just doing the assignments and how abnormal some of my childhood and the behaviour I'he used for survival are. Doing therapy in addition to the course has been super helpful for me.
This course is just what I've been looking for. It has helped me to understand why I(re)act the way I do in different situations and how to meet my own needs in order to have better outcomes in my relationships.
By the end of this course, you will have:
- Mastered the ins and outs of your attachment style.
- Become more confident in yourself and your relationships.
- Learned the tools to navigate your insecurities and respond in healthier ways.
- Felt more worthy and deserving of love.
- Cultivated emotional stability and self-control.
- Acquired an overall secure approach to dating and relationships.
You’ll Also be Backed by a Risk-Free 7 Day Guarantee
Let me say this upfront.
My Secure Self E-Course is the most comprehensive, step-by-step implementation program for those wanting to learn proven tools to become more secure within themselves and their relationships.
Now here’s the kicker.
By the end of these 7 days, you’ll have received access to the first module.
If you don’t feel totally confident about committing to the course, simply reach out and we’ll refund your investment.